Raging Expectations?

Expectations and Rage.

“Ive never met a person who carries a lot of anger who isn't an idealist”

A theme I often come across with people is rage because their expectations were not met. They had learned to expect people to treat them how they treat others, and anything less than that makes them angry.

I have also discovered that they also have impossible expectations of themselves, that they hardly ever meet. And I witness their dysregulation because they do not fit their own imagination of how they see themselves… as i have witnessed in myself for most of my life and not known any better. Ignorance is not always bliss, ignorance can be suffering. i know my rage very well, in the last 5 years i have learned to feed it less and less over time, honestly by learning boundaries, learning about expectations, welcoming and celebrating my feelings, and learning a philosophy of gratitude through cynicism..
I also can be pretty annoying at times, one of the ways is i ask hard questions, and state intuitively obvious, yet opposing views and it usually goes something like this.

Random person: I'm angry because this person didn't do what they said they would do.
Me: So you expected them to have integrity
Random person: Yes
Me: I don’t always have integrity, generally ill do what i say 80% of the time, but I lie to myself and others at times
Random person: yes but they said they will do this thing, and they get mean when i called them out
Me: So you expect people when called out to not get defensive?
Random person: Yes
Me: That's a lot to expect from people.
Random person: It’s not fair!
Me: Do you expect life to be fair?
Random person: No, but..
Me: do you think it's fair to put such high expectations on such a flawed, messed up species?
Random person: No
Me: Do you get upset at yourself when you are not flawless?
Random person: Yes
Me: So this is a them problem? or a your expectations problem?
Random person: Yes but its not fair

You  can imagine how this conversation goes round and around in circles. The person rages secretly at their hidden expectations of the world, yet the rage is seen as an outside enemy forced upon them. Zero accountability of the person carrying all that pain. Just because our feelings are always valid doesn't mean our attitude or perspective is the most healthy.

But there is another way

“Have high standards, and no expectations”
-Someone i wish to quote, not mention 

Allow me to introduce you to cynicism, and its good friends, fundamental selfishness, and high standards.

A simpler and softer way to look at cynicism or a cynic is someone who understands “we're all just trying to get our needs met in more or less healthy ways”. Although selfishness may be a word with negative connotations, I'd say I can't look after anyone in any capacity, if I cannot fundamentally look after myself. It's pretty simple logic but getting our feelings around it is a different thing entirely, especially when you've spent years making everyone else comfortable first. 

A strong boundaries cynic is someone with deep gratitude, due to life and people always exceeding(or atleast meeting) their expectations, and also high self esteem, for they are content saying yes to things as they are saying no(which is saying yes to themselves).

The alternative is someone constantly disappointed with people, with life, and most importantly with themselves. The resentment they carry, because life does not meet their imaginary entitlement is insane, and their rage is useful for rallying people to be just as miserable as they are.

And if that's what you want to be, the captain of rage and self righteousness, rallying for everything to change except your attitude, go for it! I support everyone's good times and good lessons,  and I wish you all the disappointment your expectations bring you, they are yours, protect them like the pot of resentment at the end of a complainbow. For us cynics we laugh at our absurdity and your need to want only what you don't have.

I'd like to thank the unmentionable, and the original cynics, dogs, and Diogenes… and the old me that taught me to be grateful I’m not him.